14th April 2018

I had a quick look back at Wild Caught... (still on sale at Amazon, for the moment at least) last night and there’s something I’ve noticed: pretty much all the sex in the sequel (working title: Breaking The Chains) is consensual.  In the first one, there was a lot of forced/coerced fucking.  In this one, OK most of the characters are at it like rabbits, but it’s all sex both partners want to have… if there’s a partner involved, obviously, since there are a few masturbation scenes, too.

As far as porn goes, then, this second story is a lot more “mainstream”, but still does occasionally veer off into some slightly odd SF porn.

Which is nice.

Let’s just see how this one goes.

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11th April 2018

Not a bad day today.  The new album by The Dead Daisies arrived.  It’s really rather good.  I wrote a review for it and put it up on my other website.  No.  I’m not going to tell you what that website is because I’m trying to keep these things as separate as I can.

Another thing that I bought today that fits into the “do something that makes you happy” bit of treating your own depression is the new Eighth Doctor box set from Big Finish.  It’s called Ravenous, and carries on from Doom Coalition.

If you’re not a fan of Doctor Who, this will mean absolutely nothing to you.  Same goes if you think it started in 2005 and the first Doctor was Christopher Ecclestone.

He wasn’t.  He was the Ninth.

I’m really looking forward to wrapping my ears around this one, at least partly because of the carryover villain from Doom CoalitionThe Eleven.  He’s a Time Lord whose previous regenerations didn’t really go all the way, so he has all his previous personalities rattling around in his head, like a Gallifreyan version of multiple personality disorder.

Mark Bonnar manages to create all eleven personalities and give them all life, making him a pretty damned sinister character, especially when ten of those personalities are varying levels of evil, with one “good” one trapped in the middle.

OK then.  Time for bed.

If I can get my brain going in the right direction, I might even start doing a bit of writing again.

Hot Girls of The Internet No. 4

Yusura-Profile--570x570

As you may well have realized, I tend to prefer more “exotic” women.  Case in point: Yusura of Heavy Metal dance troupe, The Fuel Girls.  Not only does she look this good, she does tricks with fire whilst dancing to Metal.

She’s also (going by the name) Japanese and she has tattoos.  That’s at least three of my turn-ons all in one package.

 

It doesn’t really get much hotter than this, my friends.

7th April 2018

Wasn’t really feeling it again this morning.  Since the Mother-In-Law, Sister-In-Law and nephew were due from the north east of Scotland, The Mrs had made me and The Boy work on tidying the house and generally cleaning up.

OK, I will admit it was needed.  The house can become a tip with an 8 year old, one adult with depression and another on with acute fatigue syndrome.  And two cats.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t get stressed and start to dive a little.

So I did.

You know what helped?  Being dragged out of the house for a couple of hours.  We went into town, dropped something at the post office, called in at Boots and then went to Burger King (I had the Angus Burger – probably the most expensive thing on the menu, but it actually tastes of something, unlike the sort of thing you get at Maccy D’s, washed down with Dr Pepper).

When we got home, I was feeling less down.  Got sat down and relaxed… and started to dive again.

Took The Boy for his swimming lesson (so got me out of the house again), and in that hour, having read a couple of issues of X-Men: Gold whilst he was in the water, I’d pretty much recovered my equilibrium, despite the impending arrival.

It’s pretty much bedtime now, and I’m feeling OK.  Not brilliant, but somewhat relieved that everything went OK in the end.  Amazing what a difference just getting out of the house and having something to do makes.

4th April 2018

So… yeah.  Wasn’t feeling exactly great last night.  You know when you “realize” that you’re apart from a group you’re meant to be part of?  There’s just something about you that makes you that little bit different from the rest in a way that divorces you everso slightly.  You know that one?

Yeah… that was me.

Anyway, I got out my Lovehoney Stroker, (it’s a little tight at first, but it does stretch pretty easily and is very comfortable when it’s on.  I’ve found that the ridged side works better for me than the knobbly side) squirted on some lube and loaded up Bounce, featuring Cassidy Banks from Trenchcoatx.

Anyway, due to the medication (150mg of sertraline), it took a little bit of doing to get me hard and to actually go to completion, but I did manage it and it certainly did help lift the gloom.

So really for today, you can definitely conclude that my mood has been significantly improved thanks to Cassidy Banks, Lovehoney and Kayden Kross and Stoya who run Trenchcoatx.com.

Cassidy Banks nude
Cassidy Banks – not bad, eh?

Anyone who thinks that masturbation is wrong and that porn stars are depraved sluts… no.  No.  Definitely not.  Sex workers as a whole are providers of services some of us find essential.  They shouldn’t be marginalised, discounted or pitied.

Porn stars like Cassidy Banks are potentially saving lives.  She certainly helped me last night, and for that I am grateful.

 

Something I’ve just realized…

Something I’ve just realized…

Something that struck me just now.  For me at least, webcam sites are just profoundly depressing.

There are some truly stunningly beautiful women on them.  It’s pretty obvious that a decent proportion are actually enjoying themselves while they do it.  What’s depressing is the clientelle.  The fact that these women have to put rules on their profiles that cover basic manners and… well… behaving like a human being towards another human being that just makes me want to lock myself away from the rest of the human race and never come out.

Another part is my own phobia of being sociable.  I can’t do “small talk”.  That’s obviously damaged my ability to make friends… but if being “friends” requires talking about “normal” things like *shudder* football and imbibing drinks I don’t enjoy (and, since I’ve worked behind a bar I can tell you for certain that a good proportion of those drinking them don’t like them either – they just drink them to be “sociable”)… I’m not sure I want it.

Is that my major problem?  I’m not interested in things I don’t enjoy fully?  Metal, comics,  SF/Fantasy, RPGs… I’m also getting into the odd computer game… those things I am happy (and enjoy) talking about… but starting a conversation with someone new…  No.  Can’t do it.  I’d love to be able to, but I just can’t.

Maybe that’s why these camsites depress me.  It would be wonderful to have these incredible, gorgeous women talking to and with me about various stuff, but I can’t do “various stuff”.  Should I stop seeing them as human?  Is that what I need to do to enjoy those sorts of sites and get most out of them?

No.  Can’t do that, either.

Camgirls = human.

Pornstars = human (having listened to Matt Slayer’s really rather excellent And Now We Drink podcast, and it’s predecessor, that much is obvious, too).

Musicians = human (having spent time in their company, I know that very well).

Strippers/Lapdancers = human (as above – I did have some friends who worked at various stripjoints.  They were some of the sweetest, kindest people I knew at the time.  I still miss Paige, Vicki and Anna, to use their stage names)

So… there you go.  Camsites are depressing because of the shit the camgirls have to put up with and they’re also depressing because they hammer home the realization that I’m an anti-social person who’s own shyness is wrecking some one of his chances to be a bit less miserable all the fucking time.

*Rolls eyes*

I’m told that one of the biggest causes of depression is bottling everything up.  I’d go along with that.  I tend to bottle things up, and I always have done, which is probably a good part of the reason I get pretty nasty when I’m off the medication for any reason (or it’s starting to run out, and I have to eek a few more days out of what I’ve got).

So I thought it was time I had something of a rant.

You know that feeling when you really can’t be bothered anymore?

No, I don’t mean THAT.  What I mean is when you reach the moment when you reach faecal saturation.  When you are sick of someone’s shit.  I’ve reached that point again with a now former Facebook “friend”.

So I just unfriended.

Simple.  He probably won’t even notice I’ve gone, and I’ve got one less vegan banging on and on and on about how farming is cruel and we’re murderers.

No.

We’re not murderers.  We’re the apex predator.  Our species has got so good at killing other animals for food that we don’t really even need to hunt them anymore.  Anyway, as anyone with any knowledge of Biology knows, we kill to survive.  OK, the vegan doesn’t kill animals, but what about the plants?  They’re alive (they fulfil all the seven criteria used by biologists to denote life) and recent research suggests they feel pain.  It’s been known for a while that plants secrete alarm signals when they come under attack, so it’s logical that they must be able to sense that attack, therefore they feel pain.

Every time you wash your hands, or any other part of your body, your clothes or your food, you are (by your own standards) committing murder.  The same goes when you uproot the plants you’re going to eat.  Not only do you kill the plant, but you damage the ecosystem it has formed around itself.  Millions of micro-organisms go to their end in your pan of boiling water.

My own personal theory as to why some people go vegan: being vegetarian isn’t “special” enough.  You don’t really get to wallow in your own sense of superiority and rub it in other people’s faces if you’re “just” a vegetarian.  There are LOADS of vegetarians out there.  They’re not special.  They’re mainstream.

Vegans, on the other hand, are going that one step further.  They’re “special” because they believe themselves to be morally superior to all the carnivores because they don’t cause the deaths of animals to feed and clothe themselves.

Well.

Bollocks to all that.  I’m not biting anymore.  I’m just hitting “unfriend”, and in extreme cases “block”.  My mental health is more important to me than that, and it’s about time I prioritized.

So there.